Lost

When we lose something, when exactly we lose it?
The feeling of having lost something valuable and the pain that its brings along can not be described easily. So i wont even try to. But rather lets look at the knowledge of the loss.

Exhibit I.

I had received a bag of "white rabbits", some sort of candy. Obviously the content are trivial but the source wasnt. So I had cherished the stuff. After a few days of consuming the contents slowly, I for the fear of exhausting it started abstaining from further consumption.The bag lay in my drawer for some time. One fine day I opened the drawer to find that it was not there. Thats when I realised that the possesion lost. But it wasnt to be. Actually some family member while cleaning the drawer had shifted it to the refrigerator. The bag still had about a dozen of candies. The fear of exhaustion continued and I absolutely refrained from eating any. However probably because the same logic was not known to others in my family the quantity gradually diminished. It came to such a situation that till 2 days back there was only 1 item left. I assumed it that since this was the only one left for quite some time it will remain here. Untill yesterday when I opened the fridge door and didnt find it. That was the second time the feeling of losing it dawned on me. Much to my joy I later  found that someone had thrown it in the wastebin thinking it was rotten. I was relieved but as I didnt want to seem eccentric picking up stuff from the wastebin made a mental note of the fact that it is lying there and would pick it up at an opportune moment. I slept over it. And absolutely forgot about it the next day. When finally I recollected the resolution it was too late and the wastebin was already cleared in the day. Losing something for the third time doesnt make it any easier.  

WANT

Why do people want? (whatever they want)

Whenever I have wanted something ( to or not to) I had been sure of it. Irrespective of later consequences. In hindsight many decisions I took did seem to be not so result bearing but given another chance of time travel I would repeat my mistakes. Why? because I actually wanted that.
continuing with the " See'ing it through eyes without glasses and heart without..."

Exhibit I.
When I was 5-6 years old, I wanted a cricket bat. I dont remember if I made any scenes about it at that time or not and whether I deserved/needed it or not. All I remember today that my grandfather bought one plastic bat and a ball even as there was curfew in the town that day.

Exhibit II.
I am in 6/7 th Std. Not really an innocent boy who doesnt know whats right and whats not. Smart enough to travel in bombay's local buses alone for daily school commuting. Yet strangely I shoplifted a 50p worth WWF postcard. The act was not a result of lack of finances but rather something which I "wanted" to do and see how it feels. Repeated the act 3-4 times untill got caught.

Exhibit III.
I am at Nice, a south of france city. I wanted to take a dip in the mediterranian sea. Even as I got late in sleeping past 1 a.m for sure and had early morning train 6-7 a.m to catch and did not have proper swim wear with me I set an alarm for 4 a..m and got up and went to the beach which was about 10 mins jog away and fulfilled my "want".

These are the easy ones... where one knows what he wants. which thankfully I always had.
The trouble comes when you dont know what you want. Unfortunately thats exactly what I am experiencing now. If I find a solution to it will surely share.